Q: I have trouble being around a lot of family during the holidays? Do I have to make myself go to family gatherings?
I totally understand this question and it is one that I have dealt with myself. So, what do you do? I found it helpful to explore what it is that makes the gatherings so uncomfortable. For me it was that there were so many people that I felt overwhelmed by all the hoop-lah and found it difficult to connect with anyone through the noise and activity. My solution, was to cut down the amount of time that I spent at the gathering. We would also time it so that we arrived a tad early or near the end of the time that the celebration was going on. Making a presence allowed us to acknowledge our family and yet didn’t overwhelm us to the point that we regretted going.
Now for some it may be a certain person that is difficult to be around. There are lots of ways that people can be annoying. Again, I have found it helpful to be able to be around such people in short spurts of time, feeling free to excuse myself at some point to leave the room or go for a walk. While I am in their presence, I do my best to be in allowance for the choices that this person makes in how they live their life. I like utilizing a tool I learned from Access Consciousness®- whereby I just go over and over in my head- Interesting point of view they have that point of view. This helps me be in more allowance of them. And when I find myself starting to judge them, I add-Interesting point of view I have this point of view. The key is not to become the effect of such people or to allow them to rob you of your fun and joy and yet to also honor their choice of being, whatever that may be.
Often we find ourselves fantasizing about what our family gathering should be. We have an idea that we bought into about what it means to be family and if getting together doesn't match that fantasy, disappointment and even sadness can become what one experiences. What if we could let go of what we wish would happen and acknowledge each person for who they are knowing that they are most likely not going to change. What if you could create the experience to be more of what you want to experience as far as joy, fun, and gratitude?
Ask before attending a family gathering -
- What would it take for me to enjoy this more than I ever thought possible?
- What do I need to be and do to bring more joy and fun to the party?
- What would it take for me to be more of ME without being the effect of my family?
- What can I receive from this gathering that I never even thought possible?