"Sticks and stones may break my bones but names can never hurt me." Nice try. How many of us believed that when we were growing up? And yet it is an attempt to tell us that we don't need to buy into all that other people tell us about ourselves. How many people focus a lot of energy on whether they are fat or not with the belief that fat is bad or wrong? We bought that one didn't we? Or any of the other so called values- being rich, thin, beautiful, successful, tall, short, and the list goes on. Society has tremendous influence over our belief systems. We get flooded with information through media, fashion, news, peers, religion and of course our parents, who have also been highly influenced as well. In our subconscious we hold billions of beliefs that we have taken as truth throughout not only this lifetime but all the others too. And whether you believe in past lives or not, this lifetime will offer you enough limiting beliefs to keep you from being all that you can be. I would venture to say that as we progress in time, the judgments that we carry about ourselves grows to be one of the most enormous burdens we carry.
Oh the blame game. I have found myself playing that game, as if I am too good to acknowledge that I may have made a mistake. As I look at that, what I discover is that I preferred to blame someone or someone thing else because I really didn't want to judge myself any more. I mean really who needs more self judgment? So how many of us turn to Blame as a way of not looking at ourselves? And what if when we make a "mistake" it doesn't mean that we have to judge ourselves at all? What if it only means that we get to ask a question about making a different choice? The other question that comes to me in this blame thing is what is it that makes me so determined to be "right"? Whenever I am focusing on being right and not being wrong I have to judge myself. What if there is another option? And what if the whole idea of blame is to take a person out of being aware of what else is possible?
Now instead of blaming someone else for my choices, I get to ask the questions like, "What would I like to do now?" or "How did that work out?" or even just laugh it off and choose something else. I don't even need to judge myself. And if I am thinking that others are going to judge me for my choices, I can let that go too and ask, "Does it really matter what they think?" It has allowed me to let go of all of the judgments and blaming that keep me from being aware from the choices that I have made. And that all contributes to me being more aware and more in my own knowing.
If you are a parent you may see your kids start to blame others for things not working out for them. I have tried telling them that they are responsible for their own choices, but even in that there can be an energy of judgment. I wonder what would happen instead if I offered a question or even shared with them my experience around blaming. When we give our children other tools to use, they can choose to move out of judgment too. And then we can all breathe easier and have more fun.
Mary Dravis-Parrish is an